Polaris North Workshops

Our membership is very experienced and when we say that, let's face it, we mean they are OLD.  We like to embrace that fact by calling it a feature.  At any  moment one of our members will spout random memories of their experiences which may include encounters with people like Cecil B DeMille, Thomas Edison, or Mary Pickford.  Sometimes these are true occurrences and sometimes they are fever dreams born of dementia medication overdoses.  In any case they are diverting and entertaining and peppered through each of the workshops you will find listed on this page.  Don't fight it, you can't stop it. 

Yes, originally we called this gaggle of playwrights a Group, but apparently there was already an assemblage of playwrights who called themselves that.  After some disputes and various lawsuits we caved and through a monthly newsletter typo, it became the Playwights Grope.  Once renamed it added a completely new tactile experience to the workshop and the name and concept stuck.  It also confirmed that, contrary to popular opinion, our playwrights CAN find their own butt with two hands!

Working your eyebrows is a lost art on the American Stage.  In the old days, when most of our members were active, arching an eyebrow or furrowing one's brow expressed so much emotion it could blow an audience away.  It is time to restore this craft and expand your performer's toolbox.  Join us each month for eyebrow stretching exercises followed by application lessons by experienced eyebrow experts.  Please note that the technique of fluttering your eyelashes is not covered in this workshop.  That's an entirely different skill set.

As is standard in the theater industry we host 'casting workshop' evenings that we market to desperate, unsuccessful actors.  We post a disclaimer that these are NOT auditions but coaching sessions by casting agents who enrich themselves on fees to provide 'advice' on how to audition.  Delusional actors convince themselves that the workshops will 'expose' themselves to the casting agents they can't seem to attract in the industry.  It is a terrific and profitable scam that preys on the many New York actors that we are happy to inflict upon you.  Helps our bottom line also!  Our standard practice is to schedule low end agents at high end rates and frequently cancel their appearance at the last minute.  You're welcome!

Actors can learn to fart on cue, saving on special effect budgets and adding verisimilitude to your performance.  While this practice was commonplace in the 19th Century it has fallen out of favor.  As Shakespeare said "Let thy juicy retort slide 'tween flapping cheeks."  Diet recommendations will be shared to extend sustained wind and performers will be trained to adjust and alter pitch at will.  Please note that studio windows must remain open during this workshop and for at least three hours after class completion.

We all know, and have long practiced, the most common method of being hired in theater is to sleep with the director, casting agent, or better yet, producer.  And when we say 'sleep' we mean in the biblical sense as actual dozing is generally not helpful.  Hence, cocaine.  But have you considered alternate hiring strategies?  In this helpful workshop we consider methods including: begging and pleading, baking cookies for the entire cast during all rehearsals, back alley flashing (if sufficiently endowed), blackmailing, kidnapping, extortion, and if absolutely necessary being the right type for the character while possessing the skills to perform the role (but only as a last resort).

Sure, it is fulfilling to create the script that is the foundation of all traditional theater and gratifying to be recognized as the star stage performer but what you really want to do is direct.  Why?  Silly.  Because you are in charge and can boss people around.  You can instruct the playwright on how to rewrite the script, the performer how to emote so much better and the usher on the proper way to tear the tickets.  You can create your own world and ruin the lives of so many on each project.  We are here to help you achieve those grand Napoleonic visions and fulfill your dreams.  We'll tell you how to tell everyone else what to do.